Let's hope yesterday was life changing.
My best friend took my out for my birthday lunch.
She's on Weight Watchers and she ordered soup and an apple.
I ordered soup too.  And a bread bowl, with a side of bread and also a half Greek salad.
She ordered water.  So did I.  I then proceeded to fill my cup with Sierra Mist. 
I grabbed and used no less than 8 butters.  I hid them from her. 

My eye opening moment was while we were shopping at a thrift store.   I browsed through the plus size section and picked out a few things that should fit me.  Not a single thing did.  I think I had a "come to Jesus" moment in that dressing room.  I've gone out of control. 

Right then and there, I decided I am not buying bigger clothes.  I am going to loss weight and fit in the ones I own first.    I've been thinking on this for about 24 hours now. 

Sure I have my reasons.  I am less than a year out from losing a baby girl from a shocking, unexpected stillbirth.  I am also less than two years out from losing 50 pounds while on Weight Watchers myself .   I can do this.  I owe it to myself.  I owe it to God.  My husband deserves better.  No really, he does.  I should look my best for him.

Here are some commitments I am willing to make to myself:
-no more clothes shopping
-no Weight Watchers
-don't tell anyone yet
-blog regularly
-try to "work-out" everyday
-drink more water
-log everything I eat

I'm not going to tell my husband, my best friend, not anyone yet.   I am good at setting goals for myself and motivating myself to do something. 

My secret goal is to be under 200 pounds when I graduate with my PhD.   If I get really brave, maybe I will change that to 150.  But for now, I am trying to make this attainable.  200 pounds or less is attainable within the next 3-5 years. 

Ready, set, go.